The Revolving Door in America

Marriage, Divorce and Remarriage

The Christian churches are rife with programs that address blended families (we do seem to like terms that dress things up), divorce recovery, single again classes (sometimes again and again and again). This gives at least an outward appearance of love and acceptance, when it may really be an enabling excuse factor. Divorce and remarriage is a problem both of American society and the evangelical churches in America.

CNSNews.com Staff Writer January 21, 2002 states “Barna Research Poll, which indicated that 33 percent of born-again Christians end their marriages in divorce, roughly the same as the general population, and that 90 percent of those divorces happen after the conversion to Christianity.”

I am somewhat surprised it is not higher in churches than in general society. Many divorcees that attend church often remarry, as opposed to non-church going people that sometimes just live together. How many of those of those remarriages end in divorces - I don’t know.

It seems that the church has become more a reflection of society instead of the light of society. God’s people have always had the calling to be the headlights and not the tail-lights.

Deuteronomy 28:13"The LORD will make you the head and not the tail, and you only will be above, and you will not be underneath, if you listen to the commandments of the LORD your God, which I charge you today, to observe them carefully, 14 and do not turn aside from any of the words which I command you today, to the right or to the left, to go after other gods to serve them.

The most prevalent view that I have found in churches and church going people (whether in California or in the Bible Belt) today is one called the exception clause (maybe better put “for any cause”) from Matthew 5:32 and Matthew 19:9. This view holds that divorce is allowable when adultery has taken place in the marriage or when the unbelieving spouse leaves according to 1 Corinthians 7:15 (more on this one later).

Matthew 5:32 But I say to you that whoever divorces his wife for any reason except sexual immorality causes her to commit adultery; and whoever marries a woman who is divorced commits adultery.

Matthew19:9 And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery; and whoever marries her who is divorced commits adultery.

I would like to take a different slant on this passage from Matthew 5 and 19 than some may have taken in the past. Years ago I would have agreed with the popular view, but as I have grown and had cause to study out the issue I have become convinced that this view is in error. I am sure what I am about to share is not an original thought - although I haven’t read anything else with articulating this view. I would like to look at the example we have in Joseph the husband of Mary.

Matthew 1:19 And Joseph her husband, being a righteous man and not wanting to disgrace her, planned to send her away secretly.

The Bible calls him a righteous man. I believe that we can conclude from this that the action he was contemplating was also righteous. Joseph found Mary to be pregnant during their betrothal period. During this time of 9-12 months it would prove or disprove a woman’s purity. I believe this to be the proper understanding of the comments of Christ on the subject. That this being a binding relationship that had not yet been consummated could be dissolved (DIVORCE) and the man be under no penalty or obligation (free to re-marry).

The EXCEPTION CLAUSE I believe is just that. We are always looking for a legal loophole. God has imparted to the believer a heart of reconciliation, not a heart of escapism.

Dating, marriage, divorce and remarriage have been to easily accepted by the main-stream (sounds a little too much like of the world not just in the world) Christian community. This philosophy has been perpetuated, programatized and approved of by churches. It advocates a trying it before you buy it philosophy and if you don’t like it throw it away and get another one.

Let’s now look at the unbeliever married to the believer:

1 Corinthians 7:5 But if the unbeliever departs, let him depart; a brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases. But God has called us to peace.

I have heard some people use this excuse, “Well so and so is acting like an unbeliever so I can divorce them.” No where in here do I find that the believer is allowed to initiate the divorce. It is only the unbeliever that is free to leave. Again there seems to be this underlying desire to put a spiritual stamp of approval on ungodly actions. God’s stance on divorce has not changed.

Malachi 2:16 "For I hate divorce," says the LORD, the God of Israel, "and him who covers his garment with wrong," says the LORD of hosts. "So take heed to your spirit, that you do not deal treacherously."

OK, now what do we do with those that have been divorced and remarried but get saved after-the-fact or a believer that repents from the sin of divorce.

Some would say they must separate - rather a divorce to mend the sin of divorce (this is a very simplified view of this doctrine). This doesn’t seem consistent to me with other scriptures that deal with sin. How about, “Let him who was a covenant breaker break them no more.” Do we fix one sin by committing another?

Ephesians 4: 28 He who steals must steal no longer; but rather he must labor, performing with his own hands what is good, so that he will have something to share with one who has need.

The real question might come down to after the person repents what action should they take. Are they living in a continual state of adultery while they remain in the remarried state? It would seem that this sin is not unlike other sins and not somehow worse. All sin separates us from God! I have known people that are saved yet remarried but still see the fruit of God at work in their life and a brokenness over their past. If it is a perpetual state of adultery this could not be. Rather I would say the act of remarriage is the sin of adultery. I know that there are many who would and could debate this opinion, but please read on.

If you have one who as a “believer” and has a track record of divorce and remarriage as well as justifying their actions, this is a major problem and warning sign to us. For the one that is still looking to justify their actions - there is no repentance - no desire to conform to the word of God. This is inconsistent with a true believer’s heart.

The church must teach the truth about the importance and sacredness of marriage. But we must not close off fellowship with those that come from broken marriages that have repented and turned. We must be careful not to define what their turning will result in - what it must look like. We don’t find in scripture Christ telling the Samaritan woman the course of action she must take if she is to prove she is really saved. Let God move their hearts to conform and obey His Word. Let us give counsel as we best understand the scriptures but let God do any separating or bringing together. Let us not set some sins as more unforgiveable than others. We are all at best wretched worms in desperate need of God’s mercy and grace.

These are just a few of my thoughts on the subject. It is not meant to be an exhaustive treatment of the issue. I would challenge each one to examine what scripture has to say on the subject. Approach it as best you can without preconceived notions. Can you arrive at your views from scripture alone, not following predetermined arguments or logic? Let the word interpret itself and diligently apply it to your own heart first. Share your life with others be involved fellowshipping and spurring one another on to good works.